Shy Bowel is Real
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
‘I am afraid to use public restrooms and it's ruining my life. How do I stop being shy when using public restrooms?’
If the idea of using a public bathroom for ’number two’ fills you with dread, you might not be alone. There is a name for this. Shy bowel syndrome, also known as parcopresis, is a condition with a psychological component, a fear of scrutiny which is commonly associated with social anxiety disorder. This little-discussed issue can have a significant impact on mental health and quality of life. It can make it challenging to leave home for various reasons, such as attending school, going to work, participating in social events, or traveling, and often results in considerable emotional distress for those affected. People with this condition experience intense anxiety and fear of being judged or negatively evaluated while using the bathroom.
Life Full of Poo Shame
"I’ve been in college for three months and still haven’t managed to poop there. Every weekend, I drive two hours home just to go."
"I can’t go if anyone’s home, even my family. I need everyone out of the house, and public toilets are out of the question. If I think someone’s waiting on me, I just freeze. I even hide my legs in the stall and wait for everyone to leave before I come out."
"I’ve been married for 30 years and still can’t go if my husband is around. He tries to help, but it’s such a huge issue, and I don’t know how to fix it."
"Every vacation ends the same way, I get so sick. I don’t think I’m stressed, but my body just shuts down, especially when I’m sharing a bathroom with family or friends."
"I’ll do anything to avoid pooping at work. When I worked from home, I didn’t have to worry about it, but back in the office, it’s miserable."
Such stories are not uncommon.
Typical signs of Shy Bowel Syndrome
Anxiety and fear around using public restrooms. In severe cases, difficulty using the bathroom even at home if they are aware that other people are present
Fear of being criticized for taking too long to defecate, or for sounds and smells produced during defecation
Planning trips and activities around bathroom availability
Adjusting eating to avoid using public restrooms
Shy bowel often co-occurs with shy bladder. While shy bladder or paruresis is classified as a sub-type of social anxiety disorder, shy bowel or parcopresis is not specifically mentioned in DSM-5. There is limited information about shy bowel, and the exact prevalence of the condition has yet to be determined. At the same time, research has indicated around 2.8% – 16.4% of the population are affected by shy bladder, and it is more common in males, which may be due to anatomical differences.
A 2021 study involving 714 university students, who were presented with various hypothetical restroom scenarios at a shopping center, revealed that about 14% of students preferred to avoid using public toilets for non-contamination fears. Interestingly, women were less likely to use public toilets and more likely to leave the shopping center to have a bowel movement at home. There might be two reasons for this. First, parcopresis is a condition associated with anxiety, and research shows that women are disproportionately affected by anxiety-related conditions compared to men. Second, cultural norms and societal expectations around hygiene and cleanliness, where women are often held to stricter standards of purity and are more likely to experience shame or disgust regarding bodily functions, particularly excretion. These norms, internalized through cultural cues, may lead women to feel more discomfort and shame in situations involving public restrooms, heightening their risk of developing parcopresis.
It’s ok to poo at work
At work, anxiety around using shared bathrooms can be even higher for a variety of reasons. People may feel heightened self-consciousness about their bodily functions being heard or noticed by colleagues, especially compared to using a public restroom where interactions with strangers are less personal. Additionally, there may be feelings of guilt, shame, and fear of judgment, particularly for those who need to make frequent or prolonged trips to the bathroom. These concerns are often intensified for people with gastrointestinal disorders, where the need for bathroom use can be more urgent or frequent, leading to worries about how they might be perceived by colleagues.
Parcopresis is rooted in psychological factors, but its effects can extend to physical health as well. It can often lead to constipation, a condition that affects anywhere from 2% to 27% of the population.
There are several strategies that may help
Challenge negative thoughts. It's essential to recognize and reframe the negative thoughts associated with using public toilets. Remind yourself that using the bathroom is a normal and private activity, and most people are focused on their own needs, not on others.
Practice relaxation techniques. Techniques like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, where you tense and then relax different muscle groups, can help manage stress and calm the body before and during restroom use.
Gradual exposure. Gradually exposing yourself to public toilets at different times and locations can help build confidence and reduce fear. Over time, this practice can make public restroom visits feel less overwhelming.
Use distraction techniques. While using the restroom, distractions such as listening to music, watching something on your phone, or focusing on breathing can redirect your attention from the anxiety-inducing environment.
Invest in a pair of “poop shoes” that you switch into every time you go, no one will ever know it’s you. Just kidding... unless it works.
Overall, toilet anxiety can be managed. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is often helpful for managing anxiety. Pooping is not only normal, it’s inevitable. At the end of the day, everyone has to go, it’s a natural part of being human, If your gut is telling you it’s time to go, it is time to go, and don’t forget to log it to track your progress.
This website does not intend to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. No content on this website should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified health care provider.
